Paula-Loves-Marla's Blog

Observations about Art, Movies, Books, etc.

Living Fully

When I started this blog my intention was to write something every day. My inspiration in getting started came from the movie “Julie & Julia.” I figured if Julie could do it, so could I.

I was wrong. Very, very wrong. There are a lot of reasons why I got off track – the blizzard (can’t write when the power is off), writing for hire (yes, there is someone out there who actually pays me to write stuff for her on occasion) and grief (our little dog ate some mouse poison in our house which was left over from our last rodent invasion and died – I was inconsolable for a good week). Life happens. We set goals and sometimes we actually reach them. Other times we don’t. Perhaps the goal was unrealistic. Maybe it became less of a priority. Maybe circumstances became such that the goal was no longer possible. Stephen King quoted in “The Stand” – “Man proposes. God disposes.” I don’t read King anymore (artistic differences), but the dude had a point. Sometimes no matter how hard you try, forces can keep you from reaching your goal. I’m going to keep trying anyway.

Today I went to the viewing of a man I worked with. He died suddenly over the weekend and many of us at the office are still in shock. I really liked him and got the chance to have short conversations with him on a regular basis even though I didn’t support his department. I enjoyed talking with him, probably because he never wanted to solve the problems of the world, just the ones that were in his sphere of control. He always said that life is too short to live it unhappily. I had no idea he was going to drive his point home with such finality. I think in spite of challenges at work, he was happy.

Losing him has made me consider what my goals are. Am I working towards anything significant? I keep thinking I should finish my four year degree, but the closest I’ve gotten is contacting the university. I’d like to travel and write about that, but all I ever seem to do is dream about trips that I don’t take. I’d like to actually write creatively for a living, but I know I’m very limited on what I would be able to write about. I toyed with technical writing and actually started reading a text book about it, but in trying to write a white sheet for work, it became obvious to me that I am not cut out to write about technical stuff.

Anyway, I’m going to keep dreaming and setting goals and writing and most importantly trying to live fully every single day. I realize that last one is a toughie. Sometimes other people’s agendas supersede my own. I’ll try anyway. Losing Bob was hard and I will miss him, but he reminded me that I need to get off my ass and do what I can about living my dreams and reaching my potential.

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